Salzburg and Stereotypefest

It’s no secret that the only thing I find funnier than stereotypes is large crowds of people actually fulfilling these beloved stereotypes. So going to Munich to witness throngs of lederhosen-clad Germans drinking enormous steins of Spatenbrau out of one hand and eating bratwurst out of the other was a dream come true.

This past weekend I travelled first, as you may have already guessed, to Munich for Oktoberfest, then on to Salzburg, Austria (since I couldn’t find a hostel bed in Munich). I’m not sure what I was expecting from Oktoberfest, but whatever it was, I was still surprised. For one thing, I honestly didn’t expect lederhosen. And I didn’t realize it had the county-fair feel with roller coasters and other rides all around (in case the beer and brats weren’t enough to induce vomiting). There was one particularly cool roller coaster: five loops painted to resemble the Olympic rings.

Oktoberfest resembled, more or less, how I would imagine a utopian paradise. Lots of food, lots of happy people. Dozens of languages and, most importantly, everyone getting along. Even with Americans. It was fantastic. Everything was an excuse to shout “prost!” and take another swig of beer. Actually, even shouting “prost” wasn’t important, since anything that vaguely resembled a toast was followed by drinking (including at one point, I believe, “death to America!” Somehow, even that didn’t sound threatening in the context of Oktoberfest).

A liter of beer sounds like a lot. It is a lot, actually. But it lasts a surprisingly short period of time when etiquette dictates you take a drink every couple of seconds. More to the point, the stein in which the beer is served is enormous, which is why I’m so surprised three of them fit in my backpack and still looked inconspicuous enough that security didn’t stop me and search my bag on my way out of the Hofenbrau tent. Why would I need three? They, like that stupid lantern which is still sitting on my windowsill, seemed necessary at the time and that’s all the reason I need.

Since there were no beds in Munich, I was left with two choices: 1) find a relatively nearby city that was also worth visiting, or 2) drink so much that I’d get thrown in the drunk tank for the night. I opted for the former and headed down to Salzburg, Austria.

I was a bit disappointed that I didn’t see a single kangaroo my entire time there. Still, Salzburg was a nice place. There’s an enormous and very well-preserved castle overlooking the city. It is also the home city of Mozart. You know how Pabst Blue Ribbon has been coasting on their blue ribbon win for something like 110 years now? Well, Salzburg is a bit like that with Mozart. Yes, Mozart should be commemorated. But there’s a limit. At one point, I ate a Mozart Pretzel (“brezen” actually, which struck me as odd because “pretzel,” I think, already sounds German). While it was wonderfully delicious, it was not musically prodigious (note: that’s the best wordplay I’m ever going to come up with here, so brace yourself for a long, inexorable decline in joke quality).

Salzburg is a very small city with an amazing amount of history, even by European standards. The hill on which the castle is built was the first permanently inhabited place in Austria. There are two enormous churches and a monastery directly below the castle. And, most important from an historic perspective, The Sound of Music was filmed here. Though a stone quarry destroyed much of the hill on which the castle is built, there is one very pleasant side-effect: the steep and sudden drop off means the hiking trails have beautiful, unobstructed views.

I did find one person who was obviously a little confused:

You’re in Austria, not Australia. The didgeridoo is a little out of place.

It'll be two weeks until my next post. But the reason for that is an upcoming 9-day trip around Scandanavia, so I'll have plenty to write about once I'm back. I hope you, dear reader, will be able to survive this absence.