Czech Two More Countries off the List

If my terrible mystery illness (which has been rechristened “Hasselhoff’s Revenge” due to it following a trip to Germany) had struck slightly later and forced me to sit out this trip instead, I could have used the even more hilarious title “Cancelled Czech.” As it stands, though, I’m glad I didn’t have to cancel.

I’ll start by saying that the day I arrived in Krakow I went to Auschwitz-Bierkenau. I’m not going to write about that here – it was far too intense and personal, not to mention the fact that I don’t like topics about which I can’t make sarcastic wisecracks. But if you haven’t read Elie Wiesel’s Night, do it. Even if you have read it, read it again. I know I’m going to.

That leaves one more day in Krakow. I had kind of forgotten that temperatures don’t necessarily have to rise above freezing, even in the sun in the middle of the afternoon. But I suppose that adds to the charm (or at least the experience) of visiting Eastern Europe. Another part of the experience is that Slavic languages all sound Russian and that means the people – I don’t care what they’re saying – always sound angry. Consequently, I spent a lot more time on high alert than usual.

The first stop was Wawel castle (another tangent about language: I wonder if “Wawel” is where Sacha Baron Cohen gets that catchphrase for Borat. Polish uses both “dziekuje” and “jak sie masz,” so I was constantly tempted to quote hilarious Borat lines, though I found the strength to resist). In addition to being enormous and largely undisturbed, it houses Wawel Cathedral, where Pope John Paul II served as archbishop. Of course, his name wasn’t John Paul at the time.

One more tangent and then I’ll shut up. The Popes went from John to John Paul… I think Benedict should have gone with John Paul George and whoever follows him could have been Pope John Paul George Ringo. Sorry, I’m tired.

Just north of the castle is Stare Miasto, the old town. St. Mary’s Church has the largest Gothic altarpiece in the world. I really like Gothic art and architecture, though I think it’s funny that a style based on light is now used to describe people who wear black and, judging by complexion, never go out in the light.

The wall surrounding Stare Miasto is still well-defined. So if you look at a map of Krakow, you’ll see there really aren’t many connections between the city center and the outlying areas. That isolation is pretty nice, though, since it keeps out a lot of the cars and guves it all a very well-perserved feel.

For the ultimate in well-preserved medieval cities, though, go to Prague. Oh, man, I love this place. Though I have to say: after visiting, I’m not sure why Family Guy picked on it with their “it was like Prague sans the whimsy” joke. Well… aside from Franz Kafka, of course. But that was just one really dismal guy with family issues.

I’ll tell you what I liked about Prague. First, they have topography. Living in Copenhagen and having traveled to a lot of very flat places recently, that counts for a lot. Second, I’m obsessed with castles and Prague’s is one of the biggest in the world, not to mention that it has been the seat of government for over 1000 years. Third takes a bit more explaining. A lot of European cities have beautiful or iconic buildings, but the problem is that 1) they are few and far between, and 2) the rest of the city seems to consist of non-descript four-story buildings. So when you look at the city as a whole, you see just a big sea of rooftops with a tower here or there. But, too often, the whole is less than the parts (just like an NBA all-star team). Not so with Prague. They may not have an Eiffel Tower or a Coliseum, but have so many impressive buildings and they’re so close together that when you climb one of the aforementioned hills and look back at the city, you find yourself thinking “oh, that’s quite nice.” Now that I’ve written that last part, I realize it would have been a perfect title for a post if only I were going to visit Nice.

I need to add an addendum to my travel advice from a few weeks ago. If a city has more than one train station, make sure you verify from which one your train departs. I only got to the correct station on time because of a very helpful taxi driver who understood the urgency and thus drove wherever the car would fit, including into oncoming traffic and, once, on the Metro rails. The universe loves irony, however, so, after I boarded with seconds to spare, the train lurched forward two feet, then had to wait for forty minutes due to, according to the conductor, “technician difficulties.”